It astounds me how much I lack self-control. I keep starving for attention and affection, and go to great lengths to get what I want… even though I know it’s but a momentary glimpse of happiness that isn’t even real. I break my own rules, disobey my own conscience, and fool myself into thinking that I chose the right path and made the right choices. I gamble more than I what I can afford, and I lose every single time.  I’m tumbling down this bottomless hole. I’ll never learn and the worst part is that I’m not doing anything to change that.

You should have never trusted me.

]]> http://lomographiclife.wordpress.com/2008/12/06/you-cant-fight-a-forest-fire-with-a-bucket-of-water/feed/ 0 Jullyane http://lomographiclife.wordpress.com/2008/11/01/how-to-disappear-completely/ http://lomographiclife.wordpress.com/2008/11/01/how-to-disappear-completely/#comments Sat, 01 Nov 2008 16:26:37 +0000 Jullyane http://lomographiclife.wordpress.com/?p=24 ]]>

I haven’t blogged here in a while. I suppose it’s because I’m so caught up in this rapid pace of what would be called my life. I hate it though. I hate having to run so hard, so fast, not really knowing where I’m going. And it’s even worse when I keep looking back, trying to see what’s behind me and if I should focus on that instead.

I’m going to hit a brick wall, I know it. Or maybe I already have.

I got back from my trip about 2 days ago. And even in my dreams, i’m still in New York. A lot of things happened during that week and a half. Meeting someone new and discovering how easy it is to fall, but how hard it is to stand up again. A close friend said that I have the tendency of ruining the moment when it’s presented to me. It dawned on me that I subconsciously do it on purpose because I’m still so guarded.

He left for home today. He left with my heart in his hands.
I’ll count the days until you come back to me.
Come back to me, califone.

I had the best time at Jimmy Eat World on Tuesday. It’s going down as one of the best shows I’ve ever been to. And sharing that experience with some of the awesomest people in my life makes it 1230324685x better.

I almost bought a Jagmaster today –think a Jazzmaster and a Jaguar’s offspring– but decided not to. Was so close though.

Also, I think I might quit my job so this can be the best summer ever.

Take all that you can and give nothing back.
I’m the sun setting in your horizon
and I’m doing this slowly, seeing if you’ll notice.

…but you don’t.

“Sensitive Doers are gentle, modest and reserved persons. They cope well with everyday life and like their privacy. With their quiet, optimistic nature, they are also good, sought-after listeners and other people feel well in their company. All in all, this type is the most likeable and friendliest of all personality types. Tolerance and heir regard for others distinguish their personality. They are very caring, generous and always willing to help. They are open to and interested in everything that is new or unknown to them. However, if their inner value system or their sense of justice is hurt, Sensitive Doers can suddenly and surprisingly become forceful and assertive.

Sensitive Doers enjoy the comforts life offers to the full. They are very happy in everyday life. Sensitive Doers are often gifted artists or very good craftsmen. Creativity, imagination and an especially keen perception are just a few of their strong points. Sensitive Doers are very presence-oriented; long-term planning and preparations do not appeal to them. They take life as it comes and react flexibly to daily demands. They do not like too much routine and predictability. Their talents come more to the fore when work processes are variable and there are not so many rules. Sensitive Doers like to work alone; if they are part of a team, they do not get involved in competitive or power games and prefer living and working together harmoniously and openly.

Sensitive Doers are completely satisfied with a small, close circle of friends as their need for social contacts is not very marked. Here, too, they avoid conflicts – quarrels and disputes put considerable strain on them. Sensitive Doers are often very fond of animals and are very good with small children. As partner, this type is loyal and reliable and is willing to invest a lot in a relationship. Mutual respect and tolerance are very important to Sensitive Doers. Their love of pleasure makes them a pleasant companion with whom one can experience intensive moments. They like to look after their partner with attentiveness and small gifts and are very sensitive to the partner’s needs – often more than to their own. However, should they meet the wrong person, they run the risk of being taken advantage of. They are then deeply disappointed.”

the weather is getting to me.

I have a terribly unsteady hand. This I acknowledge. But I’m going to use it to my advantage.

Here’s my fave pic of the day:

(taken with my Holga 35mm Pinhole camera)

That’s my mom. In line with my parents’ 27th anniversary that’s coming up on the 14th, I thought it would be appropriate to put this one up. Also, I bought another lomo cam the other day, a Holga 120 CFN. It’s really pretty and I hope I can get better at it.